Tanglefoot's Humour

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Pilots Break it, Technicians Fix it!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet', which conveys to the mechanics any problems they had with the aircraft during the flight.  The mechanics read the reports and correct the problems, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

The pilot reviews the gripe sheet before the next flight.  Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.  Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance staff.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the technician.

P:   Left inside tyre almost needs replacement.
S:   Almost replaced left inside tyre.

P:   Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:   Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P:   Something loose in cockpit.
S:   Something tightened in cockpit.

P:   Dead bugs on windshield.
S:   Live bugs on back-order.

P:   Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S:   Cannot reproduce on ground.

P:   Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:   Evidence removed.

P:   DME volume unbelievably loud.
S:   DME volume set to more believable level.

P:   Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:   That's what they're for.

P:   IFF inoperative.
S:   IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P:   Suspected crack in windshield.
S:   Suspect you're right.

P:   Number 3 engine missing.
S:   Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P:   Aircraft handles funny.
S:   Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P:   Target radar hums.
S:   Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P:   Mouse in cockpit.
S:   Cat installed.

P:   Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:   Took hammer away from midget.

And finally, one from British Airways Engine rebuild division. 'Damage would seem to indicate injection of a stone although no concrete evidence could be found'.

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