Tanglefoot's Dog Jokes

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EXTRACT FROM A DOG'S DIARY

0700:   Wow! A walk! My favourite!

0715:   Wow! A dog biscuit! My favourite!

0745:   Wow! Off to work with my master! My favourite!

0800:   Wow!  Rearrange blanket and play with ball! My favourite!

0830:   Wow!  Sandie gets to work and gives me some fuss! My favourite!

0930:   Wow! The sandwich van arrives! My favourite!

1230:   Wow! The sandwich van comes back! My favourite!

1300:   Wow! A walk! My favourite!

1500:   Wow! The lads throw my ball for me! My favourite!

1700:   Wow! Time to go home! My favourite!

1800:   Wow! Dog food! My favourite!

1900:   Wow! A walk! My favourite!

2200:   Wow! My bed! My favourite!

 

EXTRACT FROM A CAT'S DIARY

 

Day 205 of my captivity:   My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat 'cat' food.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.  

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today, my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they are walking around almost succeeded; I must try this at the top of the stairs.  

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again introduced myself to throw up on their favourite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware on what I am capable of; to try and strike fear into their hearts.  They mocked me and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmmm, this is not working out according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices this evening.  I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event.  However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.

More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of 'allergies'.  Must learn more about this and how to use iot to my advantage.

I am convinced that the other captives are moles, planted to spy on me.

The dog is routinely released, yet seems more than happy to return.  He is obviously a dimwit.  The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.

Due to this current placement in the metal=barred room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it's only a matter of time....

 

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