Tanglefoot's Dog Jokes

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1.     The Refuse Collector is not stealing our stuff.

2.     I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3.     I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4.     I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

5.     I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.

6.     I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to be sick.

7.     I will not throw up in the car.

8.     I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.

9.     The morsels left in Cat litter trays although tasty, are not food.

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the garden after processing.

11. The Nappy bucket is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens,  especially not the red ones,  or my people will think I am haemorrhaging.

14. When in the car,  I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside

15. We do not have a doorbell, so I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my Mum's underwear and dance all over the garden with it.

17. The sofa is not a face towel.   Neither are Mum & Dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mum's driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

21. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just being bathed.

22. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

23. I will not pass wind in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

24. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bottom across the carpet.

25. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it's cleaner.

26. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

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